"If it flies, floats or f***s, it's cheaper to rent it."

"Look for an Adam's apple"

Nursing advice:

"You can't fix crazy but you can sedate the hell out of it."

"Haldol comes in a 5mg vial for a reason."

"Laughter is not the best medicine. Propofol is."

"Always be kind to the people who give you narcotics."

"Remember, catheters and needles come in different sizes. The patient's attitude is your guide for choice."

"If it smells like fish but isn't, run away."

"When I was young, I thought the world was basically sane with patches of insanity. And now I know it's exactly the other way around. The world is basically mad." - John Cleese

Purposely Misattributed Quote

As an instructor who trains bus drivers, I pass along advice I got from one of my instructors 20 years ago: Look everyone who gets on your bus in the eye and greet them.

While it's great how-to-be-a-human being advice, it is also a proven method for self-preservation as a bus operator... for many reasons.

“Money talks but wealth whispers.”

“Two things you can never have enough of; money and sex.”