So the wife wanted a core aerator for our lawn. This was last summer and it has been sitting in our garage, still in the box, until today.

She says she has to aerate in May so I knew I had to finally put the thing together.

When the internet says it takes five hours to assemble a core aerator and the written instructions say "this is a difficult assembly," you know you are right and truly screwed.

The blades on that thing are like 6" curved razors. It is unwieldy and weighs 70+ pounds without the concrete weights you put on it when operating it. Utterly terrifying piece of machinery.

Supposed to be a two person job but I did it with the wife helping for the last 15” only because I am a stubborn old fart. My back is killing me and I need a shower badly. I need narcotics.

The things you do for love, indeed.

The fuck is a core aerator? I don't even bother watering my lawn anymore. I let it burn off in high summer, then I don't have to fucking cut it as often.

And here I am thinking of putting in artificial turf after last years bug destroyed my lawn. Hmmm


Get it done and good job!

conjurer wrote: ↑

Sun Apr 11, 2021 10:00 pm

The fuck is a core aerator? I don't even bother watering my lawn anymore. I let it burn off in high summer, then I don't have to fucking cut it as often.

Evidently a large number of fast spinning razors yank plugs of soil out and lay them on the grass. Supposedly will make the grass grow better. FFS

Can't you rent one for almost 100% less hassle?

nimbleboy wrote: ↑

Mon Apr 12, 2021 3:07 pm

Can't you rent one for almost 100% less hassle?

Would have to pickup and return it, 15 miles each way. And for the cost to rent it twice, I bought one. And won’t ever have to buy another.

And when I am too old for this shit, I will sell this one.

When I was just 1/2 a flush back in the early sixties, we had an aerator just like the above, but worse.

The space between the tubes is where you stepped on it stomped the shit out of it to try to drive the core tubes into the lawn. Back then the tubes were none too sharp; neither was the user.

The thin iron bar that connected the tubes inevitably bent after every few stompings and had to be hammered back into place in order to have any chance of driving the tubes into the lawn. The cores rarely ejected themselves requiring removal with a screwdriver.

It only took 4 days to aerate the front and back yards. What the hell, buck-and-a-quarter was a buck-and-a-quarter in '62.

And given the choice of 'ol stompy or your machine, I still wouldn't have tried to put that fucking thing together, BL.

3Flushes wrote: ↑

Mon Apr 12, 2021 9:39 pm

When I was just 1/2 a flush back in the early sixties, we had an aerator just like the above, but worse.

Holy crap. No way. I hated yardwork so much as a kid that when I bought a place, I made sure it had a tiny little yard. Then I bribed my neighbor with cocktails to keep it up (he loved it).

I got out of that living situation and have rented ever since. I don't rake, mow, shovel snow, ...or aerate or fertilize or trim the hedges. I mean, good on you if you do, but there's that thing about what makes the world go 'round.

I finally broke down and hired a lawn service. Now, I come home from work and the grass is already cut and looks and smells nice, and I don't have to worry about keeling over with a fucking heart attack to make it look good. I should have done this five fucking years ago.

^^^Have had several lawn services and they have massacred our lawn and flower beds. And hell, the wife actually loves doing yard work.

My retired neighbor asked me what the secret was to getting my wife to mow the yard? Told him I married “hot and hard working.” I got lucky!

If it were up to me we would have a lawn service, a maid and a cook.

biglove wrote: ↑

Tue Apr 13, 2021 5:35 pm

^^^Have had several lawn services and they have massacred our lawn and flower beds. And hell, the wife actually loves doing yard work.

My retired neighbor asked me what the secret was to getting my wife to mow the yard? Told him I married “hot and hard working.” I got lucky!

If it were up to me we would have a lawn service, a maid and a cook.

We hired a maid a couple months ago and it was the best investment ever. I hate doing lawn work and my free help now wants payment, isn’t that why we have children?? Guess I’ll be looking for a service soon too.

Threads like this make me selfishly happy. My big apt building has a courtyard, where we pay our maintenance crew to do stuff like that.

I'm just sitting here enjoying a mint julep and thanking my lucky stars.

This is pure satire - in a perfect world, I'd move from here in a heartbeat.

temerityb wrote: ↑

Wed Apr 14, 2021 4:11 pm

Threads like this make me selfishly happy. My big apt building has a courtyard, where we pay our maintenance crew to do stuff like that.

I'm just sitting here enjoying a mint julep and thanking my lucky stars.

This is pure satire - in a perfect world, I'd move from here in a heartbeat.

Interestingly, I just took my car in for a detail. I was waiting for the vaccine to kick in before I allowed some Kovid Kowboy inside my Sonata. I got a nice wash, and a very polite guy cleaned out and vacuumed the carpets for me. I tipped him $2, and he absolutely tugged his forelock in return.

Ocean wrote: ↑

Wed Apr 14, 2021 4:05 pm

biglove wrote: ↑

Tue Apr 13, 2021 5:35 pm

^^^Have had several lawn services and they have massacred our lawn and flower beds. And hell, the wife actually loves doing yard work.

My retired neighbor asked me what the secret was to getting my wife to mow the yard? Told him I married “hot and hard working.” I got lucky!

If it were up to me we would have a lawn service, a maid and a cook.

We hired a maid a couple months ago and it was the best investment ever. I hate doing lawn work and my free help now wants payment, isn’t that why we have children?? Guess I’ll be looking for a service soon too.

You have done the impossible. I was talking with my wife about this conversation and, as part of that, I read her your response. For the first time ever, she has agreed to a maid and cook once we finish paying off some debts that will take another two years.

I am in your debt!!!

biglove wrote: ↑

Wed Apr 14, 2021 7:14 pm

Ocean wrote: ↑

Wed Apr 14, 2021 4:05 pm

biglove wrote: ↑

Tue Apr 13, 2021 5:35 pm

^^^Have had several lawn services and they have massacred our lawn and flower beds. And hell, the wife actually loves doing yard work.

My retired neighbor asked me what the secret was to getting my wife to mow the yard? Told him I married “hot and hard working.” I got lucky!

If it were up to me we would have a lawn service, a maid and a cook.

We hired a maid a couple months ago and it was the best investment ever. I hate doing lawn work and my free help now wants payment, isn’t that why we have children?? Guess I’ll be looking for a service soon too.

You have done the impossible. I was talking with my wife about this conversation and, as part of that, I read her your response. For the first time ever, she has agreed to a maid and cook once we finish paying off some debts that will take another two years.

I am in your debt!!!

We have it done once a week.

You deserve a beer or three. Well done BL!

Anxious to see what this thing does. Looks like Freddy Krueger with wheels!